Contact link operational again
It's been down for who knows how long. If you've been trying to contact me through it (at least one person has), you'll want to try again. Sorry for the downtime :/
I couldn't quite last the year without some sort of update. I just love the following cartoon. Very poignant, if you ask me, and I know you do. Credit goes to Mike Shelton
with the Orange County Register
If wishes were ponies...
We'd all be shoveling a whole lotta horse...manure. And if yiffers' wishes actually came true, I'm afraid the reality would be similarly disappointing, though really not at all
suprising. See below for an illustration:
Because of your concern...
I was actually forwarded a good
email for once, an email that makes fun of all the idiotic messages that usually begin with "FW: FW: FW: FW: Did you know..." and contain inane warnings about stuff that defies common sense, always due to the sincere concern of the sender for your well-being, end with something about being stupid enough to forward the idiotic email to an arbitrary number of people within an arbitrary time period so that they can engage themselves in the idiocy along with you, and so that your wish will come true. No, these emails are not "fun". They are stupid. They are a waste of my time. They are an insult to my intelligence and an even stronger commentary on yours. I thought I might share one with you.
- I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
- I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
- I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
- I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
- I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
- I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
- I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al Qaeda in disguise.
- I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our troops.
- I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
- I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain
will turn me gay.
- I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.
- I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys
and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
- Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.
- I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has
been dying for the past seven years.
- I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their special e-mail program.
I will now return the favor.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60
seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00pm and
the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will
occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's
neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer.
Site back up
After a few months of downtime, everything should be back up and running without a problem. The pics gallery, however, is a bit shot due to some config changes on the new server. I'll see about fixing that. I might have to sit down and write out something better one of these days.
Or steal it from someone else...
Alright, well here's the transcript for the opening of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force
(aka ATHF) episode 14 of Season 1 called Interfection
, done over the span of a long time (I think about 30 to 45 minutes) by yours truly instead of doing the responsible thing and going to bed, using Winamp to skip back and forth:
<LIVING ROOM, SHAKE ON THE RECLINER, MEATWAD ON THE FLOOR>
SHAKE: Plaque is a figment of the liberal media and the dental industry to scare you into buying useless appliances and pastes. Now, I've read the arguments on both sides, and I haven't found ANY evidence yet to support the need to brush your teeth. Ever.
MEATWAD: I don't know how you'd know; you ain't got no teeth--
SHAKE: Well I got RID of my teeth at a young age. Because...I'm straight. Teeth are for gay people. That's why fairies come and get 'em.
MEATWAD: If teeth make me gay then sign me up, 'cause I wish I had 'em.
SHAKE: You doubt me!
SHAKE: Well let's compute it, and I will solve the answer...to your face! Come on! To the crime lab!
<FRYLOCK'S ROOM, IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER, SHAKE AT THE KEYBOARD>
MEATWAD: Frylock says this ain't the crime lab, an' this is his room, and he don't like us in it--
SHAKE: Will you HUSH?! You wanna damage the search engine? (Looks back at computer) Computer! Search for teeth...and plaque...conspiracy. (Types on Google knock-off page: teeth, "plaque conspiracy", ) ...And Metallica. (adds: metallica)
MEATWAD: And Justin Timberlake. (Shake ignores him and scans the search results) Do Justin Timberlake. ...J-U-S--
SHAKE: (suppressed intensity) Please hush up! The search needs complete silence to work.
MEATWAD: Oh, shoot! I forgot! (whispers) I'm sorry.
SHAKE: Well, I'M sorry, but if YOU can learn that little lesson, then someone's going to get their little mouth stabbed shut with skewers! And THEN we'll see how easily the axe slices through the meat!
MEATWAD: (eyes get big, then starts bawling)
SHAKE: Alright, OK. Maybe that was a little huge. ...Listen, I would NEVER hit you with an axe.
MEATWAD: (sobs subside as he pauses for a second and looks up at SHAKE)
SHAKE: ...When you had skewers stabbed through your mouth.
MEATWAD: (immediately resumes crying)
SHAKE: (hurriedly) I would think one or the other would be enough!
<BRIEF CHIRP IS HEARD FROM THE COMPUTER>
MEATWAD: (suddenly all better and now interested) Well, hey, look at that! (referring to pop-up shown on the screen) Are you over 18?
SHAKE: Yes! Click yes for yes.
<CLICKS, MORE GENERIC AND STEREOTYPICAL POP-UPS CASCADE ACROSS THE SCREEN>
MEATWAD: (referencing the last one to pop up on top of the others) Well alright! Free money! You ain't even gotta leave the house...
SHAKE: (hurriedly shoves MEATWAD over and away as he squeezes in next to the keyboard) Oop, please move away--pl--will you just--that one's mine--I asked SOMEBODY TO SEND THAT TO ME PLEASE! (clicks)
MEATWAD: (referring to the latest of several new pop-ups) Alright! Five point nine percent over APR! You don't get THAT every day.
SHAKE: Are you KIDDING?? With APR like that I could just DIE!!
MEATWAD: Click on it.
SHAKE: Click it!
The episode then goes on to where pop-ups begin materializing IN the room with them, and they go nuts trying to hit every button and getting credit card required messages and then seeing another one across the room to apply for a credit card, etc.
HOWTO: Make your own MP3 ringtones for Samsung phones
- Download and install WSD.
- Open a WAV file with it.
- Experiment with sampling rates and trimming and such to end up with an .MMF (MA-3) file that's under 50KB.
- Save the .MMF file and rename it to give it a .MID extension.
- Put it up on the net to where you can get to it.
- Get to it.
OK, here's the deal. This information applies to a Samsung SGH-e315 (usually referred to as simply e315 by most people) with T-Mobile service and T-Zones internet WAP connectivity.
I have a feeling it applies to pretty much all Samsung phones on all service providers, though size limits may differ from provider to provider.
First of all, MP3 files cannot be directly played by the Samsung phones
. Instead, you should use files in Yamaha's SMAF format
. References to these formats usually involve files with a .MMF extension. To create files in the SMAF format, there are a few tools out there to do the job. Unfortunately, most of them are "commercial" software, meaning that they're not free. Yamaha, however, does provide a selection of free SMAF tools
. The one you need to create your ringers is called Wave Sound Decorator
(or WSD for short). A download link is available at the bottom of that page, or you can get it from a direct download link
The summary of what you want to end up with is as follows: MA-3 or MA-2 format with a size that's less than 50KB. The MA-3 format has a 16kHz limit, and the MA-2 format has an 8kHz limit. Both formats support only Mono, no stereo, but that's OK because we're talking about a ringer, here, not a home theater system with surround sound. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT that you remember to keep the file size under 50KB.
The T-Zones service will not allow you to download a file over that size. At the bottom of the WSD window toward the right is information on the file size and the bit rate info, etc. See below for an example:
Now, the first step is to convert your MP3 file to a WAV file, as WSD does not support MP3 files directly. There are a number of ways to do this. Probably the best way is to use CDex
. Alternatively, you can download other audio utilities such as Sound Forge
or other various freeware utilities.
Once you've got your WAV file, open it up in WSD and start playing with the file to trim it down to get it under 50KB. You can do this by lowering the sample rate, which will degrade the sound quality, and by selecting only a part of the sound and going to Edit
to crop out the unselected portion.
So, now you've got your sound at under 50KB (49.9KB or less). Go ahead and save it, which will result in a file with an MMF extension (e.g. MyRinger.mmf
). Now all you have to do is rename the file to have a MID extension (e.g. MyRinger.mid
). This is not really
a MIDI file, and you probably won't be able to play it in any MIDI software you may have, but we want it to be a ringer on a phone, not our computer.
OK, so now we have our ringer all prepped and ready to be used on our phone. The problem is how to get it there. I personally uploaded the file to my web site in a new directory I created for this purpose. I then created a very basic HTML document and uploaded it to that same directory as index.html
<html><body><a href="MyRinger.mid">My Ringer</a></body></html>
I then opened up my phone, went to Menu
> Go to URL
, and I typed in the URL for my site with the directory. Assuming the directory to which you uploaded your files was named simply p
for "phone", and your site is mysite.com, you would type http://mysite.com/p
in your phone and hit OK.
Once your phone connects to the URL, you should see a blank page with a single link, already highlighted. Just press OK or whatever the appropriate button is on your phone to follow that link, and it will begin downloading the file. Once it's saved, you can play it if you'd like. Otherwise, you're now ready to go to your Ring Tone settings in your phone, select the file you just downloaded, and you're good to go.
PS I was curious to see whether T-Mobile honored their own 50KB limit, so I ordered one of their ringtones
. Sure enough, it clocked in at about 41KB or so.